The New Plan

I wanted to give everyone a heads up because things have been changing rapidly and I am having a hard time keeping everything straight and remembering who I've told and who I have not. We did not make it to Omaha yesterday. We tried to fly Space A, but we missed the cut off and couldn't get out. I started planning another attempt on Thursday (the next available flight that would work for us), but I've decided not to leave then. I would be in the air during Papa's appointment with the oncologist and I'd probably find out about his prognosis in an airport I'm not comfortable while trying to take care of both of the kids on my own. I really feel like I need to be with Will (my husband) when I get the news. His love and support have kept me going throughout all of this. If I need to fall apart, I want to be with him.

As soon as we find out the prognosis we will start the process of getting ourselves moved to Omaha.  We are praying that we can get some sort of exception and be able to move quickly. We have been so blessed by a couple who have been dear friends of my family for a very long time who have offered to help us with the process. Their help has been invaluable and we've been so comforted by the knowledge that they're looking out for us.

My sister-in-law, Jackie posted this song to my Facebook profile and I've had it on repeat most of the time since.



I know that a lot of my friends are atheists or agnostic, and that a lot of people think that religion and faith are for those who are weak minded or just plain weak. I don't mean to be shoving my faith down anyone's throat, but I can tell you without a doubt in my mind that I could never survive this without my faith in God and the knowledge that no matter what happens, He has everything under control.

My faith was tested and tried so much during my Grandma's fight with cancer, but when I look back at my life so far, and at all of the pain and trials that I (and my family) have been through, I can absolutely see the hand of God through all of it. It doesn't mean that it all makes sense to me or that I take joy in pain, but I know that God was watching out for me and that He never let me go even when I wanted to let go of him.

My father was healed of Lupus when I was young. We went to a service at church, people gathered around him to pray and a few days later when he went to the doctor the signs of this degenerative disease were miraculously gone. God doesn't always heal people in the way that we want Him to, but He is a God who is capable of healing no matter how dire the situation.

My feeble attempts at understanding Him will never grasp the greatness of His love for us. If I die and find that God does not exist, I have lost nothing, because my faith in Him has made my life so much more rich and full of possibility and hope. I will never regret putting my faith, my trust and my hope in the Great I Am. I am not a great preacher or evangelist. I try very hard to make my life and love a witness to people (I realize that I've often fallen short of the message here so many times, and I truly apologize for any insensitivity I might have shown others), but I just can't keep silent about my faith in this time of trial. To my friends who don't believe, please don't worry. I will not push all of this on you when I see you. I still love you no matter what you believe or even what you think of me and my beliefs. I just can't hide what I'm feeling right now.

I also want to share the great news that Papa is in good spirits :)  In spite of what feels like a constant stream of bad news, he is choosing to be positive and keep living life and loving people the way that only my Papa can.   Please continue to pray for his pain to be eased.  I will update again after we receive his prognosis.