Wednesday, October 26, 2011

"Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."

Sorry for another long absence.  I am still working out, I've just been a little preoccupied.  I couldn't tell you how much weight I've lost in the last couple of weeks because I haven't weighed myself.  I can say that my size 7-8 jeans are loose and I need to start thinking about purchasing size 5-6 (not something I ever thought I'd have to think about).

I've been toying with the idea of writing this post for a while, but I've held off for some reason.  The "funk" that I've been in lately is actually major depression, mild.   It's been my diagnosis for years and years.  It's honestly not something that I'm ashamed of, if it comes up in regular conversation I talk about it freely.  It's a part of my life.  I have been on medication, on and off for ten or eleven years.

I am very blessed in the fact that I've never really struggled with suicidal thoughts and I've never hurt myself because I've been depressed.  For me it is kind of a soul-sucking leech.  It brings with it a ridiculous amount of guilt.  I've become pretty good at hiding it (or so I'd like to think).  It is often manageable with medication, but this time it has been insanely persistent regardless of my current dosage of anti-depressants.  I see a psychiatrist and a counselor.  I try very hard to be as proactive as I can. 

A lot of people are probably wondering why I'm even addressing this.  To be honest, I think there are a lot of preconceived notions about depression and the people who deal with it.  On Pinterest, I saw a pin that said something to the affect of "If you're depressed, it's because you're living in the past."  That person obviously doesn't understand that major depression is actually a chemical imbalance.  It often has little to do with the past, even though past or present events can trigger dark days. 

All of this to say, I'm trying really hard to work through this valley and I promise that when I do, I will get back to more positive and hopefully encouraging posts.  Thanks for sticking with me!

More info on depression:

Friday, October 7, 2011

Down 51 lbs and Still Kicking

I'm sorry that I've been MIA since out trip the U.S.  I've been through the wringer emotionally for the last month or so and our internet (and time) was spotty while in the states.  I will try to get back to my normal blogging schedule soon.  I definitely like keeping my family/friends in the loop.

In very positive news, I am down 51 lbs.  50 was a huge milestone for me, so I am happy to have met that goal.  Now, I am hoping that I can keep up the momentum and lose the rest of the weight I need to get rid of.  One of the best things has been trying on clothes that didn't fit this time last year and having them be either extremely comfortable or too loose.  I am in single digits in pants, and that hasn't happened since my freshman year of high school. 

Anna started Kindergarten after we got back to Wiesbaden.  We are very happy with her teacher and teacher's aid.  She's really enjoying school and her classmates!  Here's a picture of Anna on her first day of school.

My new favorite song is Florence + the Machine's "Shake it Off."  It's been on repeat lately while I try to get out of my current funk.  It's now on my running playlist :)