Monday, March 5, 2012

Be Still My Soul

My mind and heart are going in a million different directions each second.  I find myself constantly saying/thinking "Be still."  I often feel the elephant sit down on my chest and constrict my breaths as the fear sets in.  If I could only slow down my heart and mind I might be able to get out a coherent sentence, thought, or a moment of peace.  Right now my world revolves around the fact that my papa (dad) has cancer.  "A very aggressive" cancerous tumor in his shoulder that is causing him more pain than I could possibly imagine.  He goes in for a biopsy today to find out if he also has prostate cancer.  It's shocking and a little frightening that in a second, your whole world can change.  Our lives have changed.  No matter what the outcome, life will never return to the way it has been.

Cancer is an ugly word.  It's a poison, and once is seeps its' way into your life, you're forever in fear of it.  My grandma was diagnosed with cancer and passed away only weeks after.  She was the heart of our family and we all felt such acute pain when she died.  That memory is so fresh in all of our minds even years later.  We don't know anything about papa's prognosis yet.  We're playing an agonizing waiting game until Thursday when he meets his oncologist for the first time.  Until then, we're all going through every possible scenario, and it's scary.

Please bear with me through this.  I will probably be posting a lot of songs about God's faithfulness and trusting in Him on here and Facebook.  When my faith starts to falter, it helps me to listen to songs about how faithful and steadfast God is.  I will not lose faith.  I will not lose hope.  I will choose to trust God through this storm, no matter where He takes us.  I will lean on God and my family when I'm hurting. 


  1. Oh, Catherine, there is nothing to bear.. Those of us who care about you and your family will willingly walk alongside you as you work through this painful experience. God is faithful, and He is holding you all now face to face. Praying for you.

    1. Thank you so much for your sweet words and prayers. They mean the world right now.

  2. What a wise place to lean Catherine. His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses. Thank you for sharing such a personally painful process - I will lift up prayers for you and your family!

  3. It helps me to remember that this world is not my home. I've been through a fair amount of stuff in this life and just like giving birth to my kids, I will remember the pain but dimly when I reach heaven. I look forward to my heavenly home where there is no sickness, death or hate. I am praying for Dan and all my brothers. I am comforted by the knowledge that he loves God no matter what happens. So glad that you have the opportunity to be with your family during this time, and my prayer is that God will heal him and give everyone peace.