In case anyone thinks that I have a ridiculous and perhaps supernatural gift of optimism, I'll share some of the other titles for this blog post I workshopped in my head:
I'm not ok, but it's alright
The cup isn't half full/empty, someone's knocked it over and stomped on it
Hanging by a thread
Deployments stink
I might be losing my mind
Full disclosure: I've been working on this blog post for weeks. There are some days when I feel like I'm totally crushing this deployment thing and other days I feel like I'm a failure in even the simplest areas of life. The other day (while S was SOOOOO sick) E woke up from nap crying for his Daddy. It was such an awful day that I almost felt like crying for Will with him instead of comforting him. I'm so glad those days don't last forever! The next day was better, and it was filled with so many blessings.
I opted to forgo the more negative and titles for something more hopeful because no matter how awful I feel, I do have hope, and I know that I have considerable blessings. The problem is that I am given to melancholy. When I should be focusing on being the best possible version of myself during a time of trial, I spend a lot of my time comparing myself to other military spouses who seem to be a million times better at deployments than I am. These are the lies I tell myself, and the lies I let myself believe. They don't serve me well.
I've recently connected with another military spouse whose husband is deployed. Community (even two people) can offer understanding, empathy, and support in such a special way. I try to be open about my struggles. Being open and honest has rarely hurt me. Instead, being open has brought me comfort and the reassurance that I'm not alone in my struggles. Bottling things up and pretending that I'm fine, when I'm anything but, has definitely done far more damage.
My husband is one of the smartest people I've ever met. Will is capable and though he feels things deeply (like anyone), he is not one to wallow. He helps me to put one foot in front of the other and he shares my burden when simple things feel like "impossible tasks." I talked about that a bit in my last "About Me" post. Needless to say, life is infinitely better when I am with him, but sometimes I rely too heavily on him. I love being with him so much. It's easy to hide behind our home-life and give into my social anxiety. It cripples me sometimes, and he's my safe place. He gets me (most of the time).
This Thanksgiving, I've found myself surrounded by an incredible amount of blessings. I'm finding joy even in the hard parts of this deployment. I got to see and talk to Will via my phone/the internet, and I was surrounded by a loving and appreciative family. I'm working hard on counting every blessing even when it feels like life is more of a struggle. Once upon a time, people weren't able to "see" their deployed spouses, or talk to them on the phone almost daily. Our ability to connect so frequently is pretty amazing.
I'm not ok, but it's alright
The cup isn't half full/empty, someone's knocked it over and stomped on it
Hanging by a thread
Deployments stink
I might be losing my mind
Full disclosure: I've been working on this blog post for weeks. There are some days when I feel like I'm totally crushing this deployment thing and other days I feel like I'm a failure in even the simplest areas of life. The other day (while S was SOOOOO sick) E woke up from nap crying for his Daddy. It was such an awful day that I almost felt like crying for Will with him instead of comforting him. I'm so glad those days don't last forever! The next day was better, and it was filled with so many blessings.
I opted to forgo the more negative and titles for something more hopeful because no matter how awful I feel, I do have hope, and I know that I have considerable blessings. The problem is that I am given to melancholy. When I should be focusing on being the best possible version of myself during a time of trial, I spend a lot of my time comparing myself to other military spouses who seem to be a million times better at deployments than I am. These are the lies I tell myself, and the lies I let myself believe. They don't serve me well.
I've recently connected with another military spouse whose husband is deployed. Community (even two people) can offer understanding, empathy, and support in such a special way. I try to be open about my struggles. Being open and honest has rarely hurt me. Instead, being open has brought me comfort and the reassurance that I'm not alone in my struggles. Bottling things up and pretending that I'm fine, when I'm anything but, has definitely done far more damage.
My husband is one of the smartest people I've ever met. Will is capable and though he feels things deeply (like anyone), he is not one to wallow. He helps me to put one foot in front of the other and he shares my burden when simple things feel like "impossible tasks." I talked about that a bit in my last "About Me" post. Needless to say, life is infinitely better when I am with him, but sometimes I rely too heavily on him. I love being with him so much. It's easy to hide behind our home-life and give into my social anxiety. It cripples me sometimes, and he's my safe place. He gets me (most of the time).
This Thanksgiving, I've found myself surrounded by an incredible amount of blessings. I'm finding joy even in the hard parts of this deployment. I got to see and talk to Will via my phone/the internet, and I was surrounded by a loving and appreciative family. I'm working hard on counting every blessing even when it feels like life is more of a struggle. Once upon a time, people weren't able to "see" their deployed spouses, or talk to them on the phone almost daily. Our ability to connect so frequently is pretty amazing.
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