Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Thoughts on loss and change...

It's hard to believe that it's November already!  Where has the time gone.  It feels like we're moving at a break-neck pace now and I'm trying to acclimate myself the best I can!

I suppose I should start with an apology for being MIA for such a long time.  I kind of gave myself this six months to try to take in life here in CA because I knew that everything would be changing so quickly.  I didn't take on any non-friend photography clients for quite some time here and tried to lay low.  I've made some of the best friendships I've had in my life in this short period of time.  I have friends who care deeply about me and never hesitate to offer a hand when they can tell that I need to take a breath.  What a blessing those friendships are.  There is nothing like a friendship where both parties are so actively pursuing each other.  I have been blessed like this by my best friend Jessica for years, but we never live near each other!  ;)  I love you SOOO much, Jessica!  Thank God for friends we can lean on when we feel like screaming or crying and need a sympathetic ear.  

Change...I don't even know where to start!  Like I said, I have been laying low here photographically speaking ;)  I've done a couple of newborn shoots and now I have a family shoot that was booked as a result of them seeing one of the newborn shoots!  This is such a lovely way to gain business!  I'm hopeful that things will really pick up once we get to Germany and I actually start advertising my photography business.  I'm looking forward to this move and all of the changes it will bring for my family.  Life is good and we are so blessed to be able to live where we've always wanted to live long term.  

Loss...There are some losses that you simply never get over.  My Grandma passed away about a year before Will and I got engaged.  She was and continues to be one of my favorite people who ever graced this planet.  I think of her daily, but sometimes the loss hits me like a ton of bricks and I find myself crying.  This happened the other day on my drive home from Walgreens.  I went to pick up medications for my stomach flu and found myself tearing up while driving home alone even though nothing in particular reminded me of her at that moment.  Today I was looking through a Pier 1 catalog and saw something that reminded me of her holiday decorations.  Autumn and the holiday season are the worst.  Will loves to listen to the Rat Pack and we often play Sinatra/Dean/Bing for the kids after dinner.  It always makes me think of how much my Grandma would love Will's affinity for old music and movies.  They would have gotten along so well!  Daniel's new favorite song to sing (sometimes yell ;)) is "Count Your Blessings" from White Christmas.  That would have made her day.  I think of her when I sing "Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ra" to my children when they're in their beds and having a rough time sleeping because it's what she did for me every night I spent at her home.  My life is a million times richer for having spent time with her and it sometimes makes me cry that my children will never get to know how wonderful she was.  Anyway, I'm not sure why I felt the need to share this with whomever decides to read the blog, but I just know that I miss her dearly and wouldn't trade a second of the time I spent with her.  It's never easy to lose a loved one, but I have to trust that God has a plan and that ultimately my Grandma is now in Heaven and at peace.

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