"Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."

Sorry for another long absence.  I am still working out, I've just been a little preoccupied.  I couldn't tell you how much weight I've lost in the last couple of weeks because I haven't weighed myself.  I can say that my size 7-8 jeans are loose and I need to start thinking about purchasing size 5-6 (not something I ever thought I'd have to think about).

I've been toying with the idea of writing this post for a while, but I've held off for some reason.  The "funk" that I've been in lately is actually major depression, mild.   It's been my diagnosis for years and years.  It's honestly not something that I'm ashamed of, if it comes up in regular conversation I talk about it freely.  It's a part of my life.  I have been on medication, on and off for ten or eleven years.

I am very blessed in the fact that I've never really struggled with suicidal thoughts and I've never hurt myself because I've been depressed.  For me it is kind of a soul-sucking leech.  It brings with it a ridiculous amount of guilt.  I've become pretty good at hiding it (or so I'd like to think).  It is often manageable with medication, but this time it has been insanely persistent regardless of my current dosage of anti-depressants.  I see a psychiatrist and a counselor.  I try very hard to be as proactive as I can. 

A lot of people are probably wondering why I'm even addressing this.  To be honest, I think there are a lot of preconceived notions about depression and the people who deal with it.  On Pinterest, I saw a pin that said something to the affect of "If you're depressed, it's because you're living in the past."  That person obviously doesn't understand that major depression is actually a chemical imbalance.  It often has little to do with the past, even though past or present events can trigger dark days. 

All of this to say, I'm trying really hard to work through this valley and I promise that when I do, I will get back to more positive and hopefully encouraging posts.  Thanks for sticking with me!

More info on depression: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001941/

Down 51 lbs and Still Kicking

I'm sorry that I've been MIA since out trip the U.S.  I've been through the wringer emotionally for the last month or so and our internet (and time) was spotty while in the states.  I will try to get back to my normal blogging schedule soon.  I definitely like keeping my family/friends in the loop.

In very positive news, I am down 51 lbs.  50 was a huge milestone for me, so I am happy to have met that goal.  Now, I am hoping that I can keep up the momentum and lose the rest of the weight I need to get rid of.  One of the best things has been trying on clothes that didn't fit this time last year and having them be either extremely comfortable or too loose.  I am in single digits in pants, and that hasn't happened since my freshman year of high school. 

Anna started Kindergarten after we got back to Wiesbaden.  We are very happy with her teacher and teacher's aid.  She's really enjoying school and her classmates!  Here's a picture of Anna on her first day of school.

My new favorite song is Florence + the Machine's "Shake it Off."  It's been on repeat lately while I try to get out of my current funk.  It's now on my running playlist :)

The Problem with Thinspiration...

I'd like to apologize for the fact that I'm about get on my soap box for a moment.  There is a scary trend on pinterest of women posting pictures of emaciated women and putting things like, "The body I want," or "My weight-loss inspiration!"  We're talking about women who look like they've been starved for months, possibly years.  Like I said, it's scary!  I want to lose weight because I want to be healthy.  For me, it's not about a certain pant size or being able to see each one of my rib bones.  I want to be able to chase after my kids and not have to worry about all of the health risks that come with obesity.  I do have a weight that I have set as my goal, but it is right in the middle of the healthy bmi range for my height.  I don't need to look like Paris Hilton, I just want to look like a healthy me.  Don't get me wrong, I love buying a smaller size clothing and I love seeing the numbers on the scale go down, but I'm trying to keep my mindset healthy along the way.  It is about so much more than be skinny. 

Enough of that ;)

I found out today the major source of my recent running woes.  I have bronchitis and a sinus infection.  That would explain why Saturday's 9 mile run turned into 4.5 miles of running and 4.5 miles of speed walking.  My chest and lungs felt like they were on fire!  Anyway, I'm on some antibiotics now and I'm hoping I'll be able to run 10 miles sometime this weekend :) 

Monday's run was pretty decent!  Here's what it looked like:

Stretch
3 miles @6mph
2.5 miles @5mph
Cool down
Stretch

Total miles = 5.81
Total calories burned = 1028

I lost one lb last week.  That was pretty great since I was sick and didn't get to run as much as I like to.  I decided to join Weight Watchers just so I can be a bit more mindful about what I'm eating.  I've used the program a couple of times in the past and I really like the way it works.  I've had a hard time figuring out how much to eat since I've been running/working out so much.  This ought to help me figure it out.

We're going back to the U.S. for vacation!!!!!  I am downright giddy about this trip!  We're going to start attempting to catch a hop on Friday.  I can't wait to see family, friends and Target.  There are so many people and things that I've missed since we left.  We love Germany so much, but it's always hard to be away from all of the things you've grown up with.  I'll try to keep up with the blog while we're on vacation :)

Confession: I am eating ice cream while writing this post.  I had enough weight watchers points left for the day, so I decided to go for it ;) 

Music & Medication

I'm sorry that I haven't kept to my typical blog schedule this week.  Due to the head cold that refuses to quit, my work outs haven't been anything spectacular.  Monday and Tuesday I took off because I felt like I could barely stand straight (don't you just love a fuzzy head?).  Wednesday, I went back, but had to keep it pretty slow on the treadmill because I was still feeling a bit light headed.  Today, I did about 100 minutes on the elliptical.  Certainly easier than running if you're not your usual self.

I've been adding a ton of music to my running playlist.  Here are some of the new songs:

"Hey Mama" Mat Kearney - Just a fun song with a decent beat. 

"Titanium" David Guetta featuring Sia - Great beat and I love Sia. 

"Pumped Up Kicks" Foster the People - This is a good warm up song for me.  It's kind of chill, but for some reason it works.

"Dark Horses" Switchfoot - Off their new album and it's SO good for running.  This song definitely motivates me to keep running.

"Mercy" Duffy - Nothing new, but it's a fun song for me to run to.

"Howlin' for You" The Black Keys - Just a cool song :).

"Sweetness" Jimmy Eat World - I've liked this one since college. 

"Brighter Than the Sun" Colbie Caillat - Just a song that makes me smile.  I like to run to songs that put me in a good mood.

"Your Love is a Song" Switchfoot - This one isn't very upbeat, but I really enjoy the song, so I added it to the list anyway.

"Wake Up" Arcade Fire - I love to start off my running playlist with this.  It starts off kind of slow, but the beat ramps up at the end.  It's great for warming up or stretching before a run.  You've probably heard it before.  It was the song in the preview for "Where the Wild Things Are" that made your heart swell and gave you hope that it might just be the coolest movie you'd ever see.  Ok, maybe it didn't do that for you, but that's how I felt when that preview came on.  Music has that affect on me.  The music in a preview can make or break my opinion of a movie before I even see it.

On to other things that affect me/us...medications.  I have been an insomniac for years.  I have been taking sleeping meds on and off for a very long time.  My doctor recently put me on a medication that I'd never heard of.  I, being the excellent patient that I am, started taking it without really looking into the possible side effects.  Super smart, right?  No!  I've been on this med for a couple of months now.  After visiting a different doctor for serious muscle pain, I decided to go through and check the meds that I'd been taking to see if one of them might have been the cause.  My sleeping med just happened to be the culprit.  All that to say, make sure you're paying attention to the things you're taking and how they might adversely affect you ;) 

I'll leave you with this awesome work out towel found on Pinterest ;)  I'm pretty sure that it was made for me. 

8 Miles & -40 lbs

I'm a third of the way to my weight loss goal!  40 pounds down :)  I still have a long way to go, but I'm consistently losing, which is great!  Anna weighs about 35 or 38 lbs, so it's like I've lost a small kindergartner.  How's that for perspective?  Even better than the weight loss, I feel so much healthier (Ok, maybe not at the moment because of this head cold, but generally). 

Things I can do now that I couldn't before:

-Run for 90+ minutes without stopping to walk
-Keep my heart rate in the cardiovascular zone while running (it was off the charts before)
-Enjoy chasing after my kids at an amusement park all day
-Fit comfortably in pretty much any seat I chose to sit in
-Buy clothes in pretty much any store that I want to
-Look at a picture of myself without cringing

This is really just the tip of the iceberg.  I know there are a ton of other things, but I can't think of them right off the top of my head ;)

I ran 8 miles yesterday!  I had to do it by myself, on a treadmill, because T was going hiking.  I definitely missed her, and the great outdoors!  I have decided that running on a treadmill for longer than six miles or so is just the pits.  It's a bit too repetitive and boring for my taste, but I didn't stop to walk at all.  I had to re-start the treadmill about 4.5 miles in, but I kept my feet going so I didn't lose momentum.  The problem with trail running without someone else is that I am still new to running and running 8 miles by myself outside doesn't seem like a super safe idea.  Also, T is really great at keeping us on course out on the trails.  I would probably get hopelessly lost ;)

8 Mile Run

Stretch
0.25 miles @4.5mph
1.75 miles @5.5mph (BIIIIIIG mistake.  Due to the congestion in my chest and overall gross head cold, I ended up with major cramps in my rib cage/chest.  If you're sick, try to take it easy.  Don't follow my example)
6 miles @4.5mph (I hated going back down, but it was the only way I was going to survive this one)
Cool down = 0.25 miles
Stretch

Total Miles = 8.25 miles
Total Calories Burned = 1,503

Confession- I may have led you astray when it comes to the salad dressing for a breakfast salad.  The blush wine vin is really great, but when you eat it for breakfast repeatedly, you might end up with heartburn....ouch.  I discovered the err of my ways and switched to...

It's made by the same brand as the blush wine.  It's a poppy seed dressing, and it is SOOOO good!  It's excellent with the berries/spinach/nuts.  I don't know if you're like me, but every time I eat anything with poppy seeds I think about "The Shower Head" episode of Seinfeld.  Elaine takes a drug test and pops up positive for opiates because of the poppy seed muffins she loves ;).  It always makes me chuckle.  I figured it was just something silly from a t.v. show, but according to Snopes, it's true!  If you work at a place that makes you take random drug tests, you might want to skip this dressing.  Stay-at-home moms, feel free to indulge (within your caloric budget of course ;)).

Another Hair Picture

Here's a better picture of my new hair color.  I was standing a few inches below a florescent light in the picture I posted yesterday.  It wasn't a great example of the color ;)

New Hair, Cute Kids and a Good Run.

This isn't the best picture in the world, but I decided to change my hair.  I went to the salon yesterday and had two different colors of highlights put in.  This morning, I woke up and felt like it wasn't quite enough, so after my run at the gym, I went and bought a home highlight kit and added some lighter caramel highlights to it.  I really wanted a change and I'm liking the way it's turned out. 

These are my sweet babies.  The children who drove me to the brink of insanity today.  The pictures are from our day at Legoland.  I posted a bunch of pictures from that trip on Facebook a little bit ago.  If you're even slightly impressed by Star Wars, you ought to head over there and check out the insane recreations of scenes from the movies.  It's very impressive.  There are also more cute pictures of my kids.  It's hard not to love them ;)

I'm dealing with a super lame head cold at the moment, but I had an awesome run today.  Terilyn is a life saver on days when I am feeling crappy.  I was motivated to run, but I just wanted to spend the morning in bed today.  I can't sing the praises of my running buddy enough.  She's also the reason I was able to go to the salon yesterday.  She took care of my munchkins. 

Today's Run

Stretch
0.5 miles @4.5mph (Warm up)
4 miles @6mph
0.9 miles @4mph
0.25 (Cool down)

Total miles = 5.65
Total calories burned = 941